The Family a Major Force for Shaping Young People

Family ministry, whether it is for Christians or non-Christians, may not be about calling people to come to a church building, but rather to invite them to join God’s family in a community (EKKLESIA/church = Gathering of people in any place at any time).  Going to church may no longer be defined as going to a building so much as gathering together wherever a few or more come to share life and worship Christ.  The Cell Church movement seems to be in the picture here to some extent.  Postmodern families are generally not going to seek out professional Christians for spiritual guidance.  The number of those individuals who do not go to church or very seldom do is around 93% of the population in the United Kingdom.  The time of multiple missional communities seems to have arrived, in which old labels and positions of professional paid pastors, priests, and evangelists need application in new ways - for effective family ministry to all of its age categories to occur.  Church may now be a place where all share life, all members have significant parts to play, and all age groups can have shared common values together in multiple missional communities.  Training and education in the future may need to be conceived as shaping missional leaders who dissemble from an institutional model of Christendom-style churches and birth missional communities.

Family life is under severe strain in Europe with around 1 in every 2 to 3 marriages or partnerships ending in divorce and terminal separation.  This stress seems to be driven, to some extent, by the demands of surviving and making a living.  Families have far less quality time together, so the time they do get is spent with each other, close friends, or broader family in order to forge meaningful bonds.  Relationships of this kind are the ones that matter and bring meaning to life.  The traditionally conceived church with a weekly meeting to sit down and listen to the paid professional Christian (the minister), with little or no fellowship after meeting’s end, does not always bring the value of meaningful relationships to bear; for non-Christians and Christians alike.  It is hard for postmodern people to find meaning in such lifeless expressions of church.  Church in the first century had far higher values as a community of people who really loved being together in quality inter-related ways.  The picture found in the book of Acts expresses the all-age family nature of the first Christian communities that shared life together, as whole families converted following the head of the house:

“All the believers were together and had everything in common.  Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need.  Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts.  They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people.  And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.” (Acts 2:44 – 47 NIV)

It is hard to recognise the values of shared “common” community in today’s churches, like that expressed above.  Yet, this commonality seems to be a deep need that postmodern society is starting to explore once more.  Families may be seeking authentic caring and supportive reciprocating relationships that the church may not model as it once did.  Missional communities are realising the high value for forging deep familial ties with groups of families made up of all ages.  The Cell church movement is embedding itself in communities and forging deeper alliances with those who as yet do not know Christ.  Spiritual interests are also part of the mixture.  This comes from Christian families who wish to share life with neighbours and friends.  It is authentic because the friendships are genuine and life is embedded in community rather than in a church building.  Parents, youth, and children are part of the mix.  All ages naturally come to value times spent with peers in an all-age environment.  I count it as a major missional triumph and privilege that one of the families related to our youth ministry now invites us to attend significant family life events.  This has grown out of an all-age engagement, not just with young people, but their families as well.  Developing lasting and meaningful friendships requires that we walk alongside families through life, even if it takes years for them to come to Christ.  This is genuine love.

The discussion to this point raises the following questions: (1) Why are so many youth and children leaving churches in Europe? and (2) Why are so many families no longer part of the tapestry?  Could this be because churches do not foster meaningful life-long friendships with those who have not embraced Christ yet? According to the Rakes survey, 10 – 14 year olds leave churches at the rate of 1,000 a week in the UK.  This equates to 52,000 leaving every year.  This trend has remained constant for the last 30 years.  Only around 6.8% of families in the British population attend churches regularly. Could this be because meaningful relationships are not fostered among this age group because church has become a spectator sport rather than a living community of commonality?

This relates missiologically to youth ministry among postmodern young people.  There has been a rift in existence between the age groups for a number of years now, particularly since the sexual revolution of the 1960s.  This rift needs closing.  Postmodern families are starting to realise the value of a kind of new tribalism.  This need for tribalism is exemplified through a resurgence in shared family holidays.  There are now hotels which are offering special packages for numbers of families to be together.  The family activity leisure resorts called “Centre Perks” are designed on the premise of creating a togetherness space for families.  Tribalism comes through the common sense of identity to what might be thought of as family clans together in a bespoke environment.  While this quest for tribalism may not be universal, examples such as the one above indicate that there is a growing need in the postmodern world for community in which commonality is valued and multiple generations share life together.

The value of this shared all-age expression may be that younger people and older people can forge new supportive relationships.  Insights may be obtained moving in both directions.  Older adults have much they can learn from their youth and children and youth have much to learn from adults of all ages.  The sociological trend of the nuclear family brought the extended family to an end in industrialised Europe and America. This same trend can be observed in India and China, where young people no longer stay in extended family groupings but are moving to industrialised centres of learning and industry.  The huge deficits this causes are that the natural wisdom, care, and support of mulitple generations are lost.  Moreover, the factors of Functionalisms’ socialisation of younger people to become well rounded stable members of society has been put in severe jeopardy by this atomisation of the extended families’ influence.  Postmodernism’s tribal tendencies have now given multiple missional communities a new starting point to create extended families once more.  This potentiality means that whole families may influence each other, socialising their all-age members into the family of Christ.

We need to return to every member ministry in communities.  These communities will probably look like families of various Christians and non-Christians meeting together in homes, sharing life, leading to faith, and winning people to Christ.  This certainly does not mean dropping off friendships with those who take a long time to come to faith!  Such strategies may be the yeast affecting the whole secular lump.  The high value will be to tap into the new Tribalism and all-age values that must shape and socialise younger people into the Christian community.  The family and its extended nature in multiple missional communities will surely lead to a sense that we are all valued parts of God’s huge cosmic family.  These groups will also need to build new believers up in their faith and understanding and then to equip them to reach others missionally and evangelistically for Christ.  Self-replication is the intrinsic nature of life and spiritual life.  An organism/cell cannot survive as a species without self-replication.  This is the nature of the missionally conceived family cell group.  The church building may be the place for various groups of Christian families to get together to celebrate now and then, but it will no longer be the focal point to get people to attend church!  However, when Christians meet together to worship God in a building they will be as much church then as anywhere else.  We must embrace missiological imperatives to reach in from the edges once more to win families for Christ!

The Christian church is on the edges rather than at the centre of society.  It has failed to integrate itself into the cracks and crevices of postmodernity because it has lost is all-age familial nature.  Christian spiritual socialisation within the church lost effectiveness some years ago in Europe.  The way forward must surely be to embed with people in society where they are found on their terms.  Families may come together facilitating this new socialisation of future Christians of multiple ages.  This would seem integral to the strategy of present and future youth work which will last beyond adolescence into family life; because it will catch the value of being in families for life.  And we must never forget that God’s family is forever!  How have we missed this key strategy for so long for youth ministry?

Essential Further Reading

Richards Anne & Privett Peter (Editors), Through the Eyes of a Child New Insights in theology from a child’s Perspective, Church House Publishing, London, 2009

Gardner Jason, Mend the Gap Can the Church Reconnect the Generations? IVP, Nottingham, 2008

Astin Howard, Body and Cell Making the transition to cell church – a First-hand account, Monarch Books, London, 2002